Fidelity

Riley Bost

Jul 23

4 min read

Updated: Aug 24

One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis. Most of his books are short in length, yet they contain some of the most profound paragraphs I've ever read, passages that many novels never seem to reach. In Till We Have Faces, he writes:

“Die before you die. There is no chance after.”

He is not speaking primarily of physical death, but of the death of the false self, the version of us that clings to pride, fear, control, comfort, reputation, or even good things that have quietly become little gods in our lives.

In other words, allow God to put to death the version of you that keeps you separated from Him.

Much of my writing recently has revolved around the individual. I don't know if you, the reader, have interpreted it this way, but after rereading several of my recent posts, I realized they seemed to place too much emphasis on the idea of "becoming a better you."

I think that's a misleading way to think about the Christian life.

Identity has become such a modern buzzword that it’s morphing into meaning, “discover who you are.”

The question should no longer be, “Who am I?”

But, “To whom do I belong?”

So let me put it plainly.

It isn't about you. It isn't about me. It isn't about us becoming "the best version of ourselves." I've always found that phrase to be subtly self-centered. The gospel isn't self-optimization. The path laid before us is not about self improvement. It is self surrender.

Within Christianity, the goal isn’t to become a better version of yourself. It is to become less consumed with yourself altogether.

In Mere Christianity, Lewis writes “The real test of being in the presence of God is, that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object.”

My sister recently spoke to me about Homer’s Odyssey and it brought back to surface some things I had forgotten about the poem.

Homer understood something that Christians should recognize. Throughout the Odyssey, Odysseus is offered comfort, immortality, pleasure, and glory. Yet, one of his many failures comes when he cannot resist announcing his own name to the Cyclops. His mission had already succeeded. His men were already escaping. Nothing was gained except the satisfaction of hearing himself praised. His pride accomplished what no monster could—it prolonged his exile.

How often do we do the same? We don’t always abandon God through dramatic rebellion. More often we begin living for our own name instead of His.

Homer didn’t send Odysseus on a journey of self-discovery. If anything, the Odyssey is a story of fidelity. Odysseus becomes the man he was meant to be not by looking deeper within himself, but by remaining faithful to things outside himself: his wife, his people, his responsibilities, and ultimately, his home.

We spend much of our lives asking God for resurrection while doing everything we can to avoid crucifixion.

Jesus said,

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." — Matthew 10:39

This is the daily invitation of the Christian life: to die to pride, to ambition apart from God, to the illusion of control, to the constant desire to place ourselves at the center of the story.

Not because God delights in taking things away, but because there are versions of ourselves that cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. They have to die first.

Why won’t I forgive? Why won’t I surrender control? Why won’t I repent? Why won’t I stop chasing reputation? Why do I keep making myself the center?

Because crucifixion hurts.

We all want resurrection.

Few of us volunteer for the cross.

We are to have joy, peace, love, and power. But how do we pursue and balance those things without trying to please ourselves?

The fact is, we can’t. Not without Jesus.

Some of the hardest working athletes never find contentment or peace due to never attaining the communicated message of supposed success.

The same, in my experience, can be applied to many “Christians”.

The mouth says Jesus is enough, yet our lives often reveal that we still believe we need something more. If we start a Bible study, it has to become larger. If we accomplish something meaningful, the next accomplishment has to be greater. If we win once, we wonder why we can’t win again. Even good things quietly become idols when they begin carrying the weight of our identity.

Everyone dies once.

Few people choose to die before then.

Those who do eventually discover that they never lost their lives at all.

They finally found them.

Yet even this death is not something we accomplish by our own strength. We cannot crucify the flesh through willpower alone, nor can we raise ourselves to new life.

Death has no hold over us for one reason alone:

Grace.

From beginning to end, salvation is the work of God. We die because Christ first died for us. We live because He first rose again. Every small death of the old self is simply another step into the life He has already secured.

Everyday Christ offers that death.

The death of pride.

The death of self rule.

The death of endless pursuit of becoming somebody.

Again, it’s not because Christ delights in death, but because He knows what waits on the other side.

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